This spring I don't know how I survived

I woke up still on fire!

Or rather, I woke up to ridiculously destructive breakfasts. I ate, like, three pounds of bundt on Thursday. I weighed myself later just to be sure. Nobody took the easy route on the 4*r^3*pi-zza, and we ended with a wide variety of styles. And good morning, burgers! By my boots and hair, if those weren't the tastiest burgers I've ever eaten. I mean, I used to work the graveyard shift at a Denny's, I could literally put anything on a burger or in a milkshake, and barely even got close to what I ate yesterday off the ground with a plastic spork. Also, coffee that tastes like jellybeans? Homiesaywhaaaaaaat? I mean, seriously.

Some of you may realize that I was not actively 'judging' anything during the parties, but the few nachos I sampled were not just macho, not merely machismo-er, but in fact machismost. Not in the realm of Iron Chef, many teams also had refreshments that made me jump with joy. Well, actually, eat with joy. Or in a few cases, with reckless abandon. I mean, hardtack? I love hardtack! Also swedish fish, and jell-O, and... jell-O containing swedish fish? Yeah!

Can we candy? YES WE CAN! Can we cola? Also, yes. I continued to go back for cups of pop throughout the Olympics. All the mock'n'm's were solid, and I don't just mean as opposed to liquid (though that was also important). Not a meal, but the perfect thing to spoil one with. Which brings us to supper.

Oh my pants, supper. We are all still arguing about what in the smorgasbord was most delicious, beautiful, and innovative. After seeing the options, I sat down and tried with all my might to get hungrier. If I could have gone back in time and stopped myself from eating anything else today, I totally would have. I mean, I'm running out of ways to say you guys rocked everything you put your hands, pans, and whisks to; but understand, it's not because I'm anywhere near running out of admiration. You are all my heros, the kind of heros I would hire to follow me around and cook every one of my meals for all time.

Someday, when I'm shamefully rich, my friends. Someday.

Food, comma

How good this smells! I trust that all the food currently spread out before me will be so much less dangerous than today's Olympics, but just as awesome.

A few notes on Iron Chef in general: SO GOOD. A consistently high level of quality across items and across teams has made this the tastiest, if not the healthiest, weekend of my life. Bundts or burgers, candy or cola, it was all intensely palatable. That's kind of an understatement. This is the kind of food people get married over. This is the kind of food upon which nations rise and fall. This is the kind of food that food would eat if food wanted food.



No time for words anymore, my mouth will soon be too busy.